Dealing with the Math

“Anything that involves math!” These simple few words were the answer I gave my parents a year and a half ago when they asked me what course I’d like to take in college alongside a radiant smile pasted on my face. So, I took a program that involves HARD-CORE math- MANAGEMENT ENGINEERING.

Was I planning on suicide when I decided to enroll myself in this course? This course includes a lot of hard-hitting math where the survival of the fittest is one of its challenges. In short, it’s one of the tough courses in the university and I already knew this even before the first day of college. But, I decided to brave the odds and see what lies ahead for me because after all, I felt enthusiastic with math.

There I was on the first day of college giddy as a child opening his colorfully wrapped presents for Christmas, along with so many questions in mind. Who are my teachers? What should I expect from the course? How will I be doing? What will be my study methods? How will the exams be? Even to simplest question of what to wear for school everyday? Or where to hang out during breaks? The questions just kept knocking on the doors of my mind waiting for a satisfying answer, but my mind couldn’t give an adequate answer. All it said was “Let’s wait and see.”

  The clock struck 12:30 pm and the bell rang. It was math time. As I hear the footsteps of the professor walking his way to the classroom, the excitement inside became more thrilled to start a semester of math. But, in an instant the excitement faded like a candle to its last wick. A TERROR TEACHER. Difficult exams and lots of late night bonding with the math book and the calculator- this images quickly overthrew most of the questions I had in mind a while ago. But, coming to my senses, I said at the back of my head, “I just have to study harder and let’s see… I think if I study, I can pull off with a good grade. I just have to take the challenge of a terror teacher.”

Long Test 1- 74

Long Test 2- 70 (what happened?!?!)

Long Test 3- 81 (a little improvement though)

It was shocking and terrible. I don’t know what happened. The moment I received my papers, it was just a sore sight to see. If I were to look back at my math performance in high school, long test 1 would be a failing grade, the second would crush the heart and the third one would already be depressing. These were not the grades I got back in high school. These were not the grades I set for myself. These were not the marks I wanted!

I thought I could go through college math feeling enthusiastic about it. But, I wasn’t. I thought that I could get A’s for every long test. But I didn’t. I thought that I could breezily sail through college math. But, I can’t.

The equations, functions and problems hit me hard telling me straight in the face that I can’t pull off college math using the same high school mathematical prowess. The feeling of wanting to just break down, cry and give up on trying to prove that the limit of the function as x approaches zero is equal to zero given this and that condition does not only happen once in a blue moon. It usually happens as often as the sun wakes up every morning to give the Earth its fair share of warmth and light. Sometimes I feel that I’ve lost the interest and eagerness to face those mathematical complexities that confront me. But, no matter how hard it was, I’m still surviving it (as of the moment I am) and what’s most important is that it has made me realize the valuable and hard truths about math and way beyond the scope of these numerical and quantitative problems.

Before I entered college, I was in love with math. I liked solving simultaneous equations. I liked factoring out equations. I liked to figure out those geometric figures. I liked to rattle my brain with mathematical formulas. I liked math over science or any subject. I liked everything about math.

I felt comfortable in the arms of numbers and equations. Some of my friends would usually question the use of math in business or in their future careers, but I didn’t. For me, math was going to be a major part of my future. I didn’t bother to welcome into my thoughts what my friends are saying about it. But, maybe I was too comfortable that I became too confident about it and college math was a bolt from the blue to me.

Fortunately, I have learned to take every matter seriously and not just any affair that I can easily breeze through. I have learned to humble myself from the thought that I can effortlessly deal with math. I was wrong when I said that I could do business with anything that involves math because it is one of my comfort zones. I guess I was at ease with math that I became too relaxed. And it got me thinking right now, where would I be standing right now if I didn’t have that eagerness the first day of college? Where would I be picking myself up at this moment? What would happen to me?

Looking back, I feel disappointed with my performance in college especially with math, but at the same time, I still consider myself lucky to still be surviving M.E.. And I give credit to hardwork, faith and a big help from my friends. Sure, math is does not easily love people back, but never give up on trying to win its heart. Just wait and see, your efforts will pay off. Maybe someday it will love you back.